There are a great many things that take a lot of time, strength and patience to develop. Like friendship or trust or even just the ability to tolerate another. And sometimes all it takes is just one look or handshake and everything changes.
The strategy was to ignore it. Not a good plan, I know and of course it didn’t work. If I could, I’d just stop everything right now, but I guess it might be easier to stop a fucking hurricane. Sorry, no cursing from now on. So, yeah, I admit it: I like you. Like a lot. And I really cannot do anything about that.
They say I need to be certain. I guess that is right. And actually I’d like to know it too. But then, I’m not sure if I want to know. It’s simply really: As long as I’m not sure about your current dating status I can entertain a fantasy about everything.
Right now I can make up a story about the smallest gestures or looks torn in my direction. As soon as I get confirmation about what I suspect anyway, it will all be over. For a few days I already thought I had that certainty and it almost resulted in tears.
So yeah, I think I got it bad. Which is really ridiculous considering everything, but I cannot change anything about it. Again, if I could I would do it in a heartbeat. Stop having a crush, stop fighting furniture, stop babbling and smiling like an idiot every time you come near. I would do it.
If you are taken, all the things I think you might have meant will be just my imagination. Right now it might all be possible. Right now you could be everything. I really want to get to know you, want to see what’s behind my fantasy. But if I learn about your girlfriend it will all be over.
Except I don’t think I will be able to stop. Not really. But I will know for sure that I do not stand a change. It’s been a long – really long time – since I’ve been like this about anyone.
I guess it is only fitting that you share the same name.