Forever didn’t last

Stockholm, Schweden

Forget. Forgive. But once…it was forever.
Pretense reached its end because I simply can’t. Not anymore.
Can’t act like I’m alright and to be honest I don’t want to. No again – never again.

There is no light without you. No joy when you’re not around. No reason for laughter though I tried my dearest to preserve it.
There is no substance to fill the silence and no space for anything except the void that’s growing inside my heart.
I miss you. God, I miss you so much.

What you said became true for me as well: There simply am no me without you.
So now what?

You know I am way to stubborn to just give in. Being miserable has become who I am. It’s actually what defines me now.
Thanks to you I’ve become stronger than I ever thought I’d be. Because I am the one who has to face this alone. I am the one who has to survive.
But still…I simply can’t be me without you.

So I have to become someone else.
Someone you’d never be able to love. Someone you’d never see.
Maybe it’s time to break the silence.

I can’t be the one that’s hurting anymore, that’s missing you, that’s in love with you.
Although part of me will always be that woman.
So here it is one last time, the words I couldn’t say before and said so many times after:
I love you.

I will always love you.

But I am the one that has to live this fucking life. And you left me no choice but to do it without you.
So that’s what I am going to do.

No more excuses. No more hesitation.

Let me go now.

You owe me that much.

There is nothing to be afraid off.

I know I will die alone. But I don’t have to keep being lonely until then.

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