Breaking hearts

(c) D. Reichert

Sometimes you just wish it could be different. Just a little bit, just without this one tiny small inconvenience. But it is there. And the second you acknowledge it, it starts growing like cancer, poisoning everything in its path. Until there is simply no way around the truth anymore.

It is said that the truth shall set us free. That might be true, but first it pisses you off – big time. And after that it still keeps you wondering: What if I had done something different? Why could I just not feel it? How did this happen? What could I have done to change it? And finally the question that haunts all the heartbroken: Why the fuck did I have to go so far – only to have my heart ripped out and being left alone in the end? As always, there is no answer to that.

After all this time, it is finally possible to talk about it. One reason might be that all ghosts seem to fade once you pull them out of the darkness and into broad daylight. The other is the realization, that in order to be happy again you sometimes have to break hearts. Even if the heart in question belongs to someone you love. Because – contrary to all the fuss about it – love is not difficult. Actually, loving someone is easy. The cause of all the heartbreak and pain is the part where you are supposed to “be in love”.

There truly is nothing worse than realizing that the person you really genuinely care about has fallen head over heels for you – but you just didn’t. All would be so much easier if you “just” fell in love. But you can’t. And it is then you are beginning to understand that none of you is ever going to get out of this situation without a few more or less severe bruises on your souls.

So in the end, the only option is to break a heart. Not because you’re cruel or don’t care – but because you care too much. Too much to just pretend. Love is never really easy. Being in love is mostly hell. Even if the feeling is mutual.

But still, we do love so easy, much more than we realize. Falling in love – that is the problem, the cause of all the said poetry, stories and love songs. No one can force you to be in love – not even you yourself.

You can’t keep safe what wants to break.

(Jimmy Eat World)

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